There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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