So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
