you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she looked like the before picture.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
