I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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