Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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