My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
