Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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