he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
