Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
