Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
