I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
