Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I looked at my own cervix.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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