she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
