I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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