Your face is a jimmy john
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
