woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
