Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets

(818): View more from California

julia child would be proud.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.

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(775): View more from Nevada

Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god

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(703): View more from Virginia

How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.

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(585): View more from New York

I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

this strobe light makes my body turn on and off

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