I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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