She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Come share oat with me in your robe
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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