Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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