Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
