At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
