used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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