apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
