Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
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i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.