We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn