Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse

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  (773): so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse http://tfl.nu/dvkx
  Replies (9) Good night (773) Bad night (4302)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.

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  (617): it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before. http://tfl.nu/1u0r
  Replies (20) Good night (735) Bad night (3809)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  You're going home with him aren't you?

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house

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  (386): Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!" (1-386): You're going home with him aren't you? (386): I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house http://tfl.nu/c9az
  Replies (12) Good night (1366) Bad night (2977)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.

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  (410): These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow. http://tfl.nu/e5qu
  Replies (32) Good night (7556) Bad night (929)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.

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  (267): This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything. http://tfl.nu/flqr
  Replies (10) Good night (4737) Bad night (1090)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.

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  (908): I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me. http://tfl.nu/2kto
  Replies (13) Good night (6546) Bad night (1367)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.

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  (303): i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned. http://tfl.nu/e449
  Replies (6) Good night (2581) Bad night (827)
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  (916): View more from California

  Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.

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  (916): Need. Hospital. Physically am floating. http://tfl.nu/j2sm
  Replies (6) Good night (1215) Bad night (685)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.

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  (401): U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am. http://tfl.nu/s547
  Replies (5) Good night (1654) Bad night (537)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.

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  (618): If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies. http://tfl.nu/67ah
  Replies (2) Good night (790) Bad night (562)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad

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  (914): I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad http://tfl.nu/el2g
  Replies (3) Good night (647) Bad night (326)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success

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  (360): Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success http://tfl.nu/t5af
  Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (394)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does

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  (561): I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does http://tfl.nu/w0y1
  Replies (0) Good night (491) Bad night (306)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?

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  (313): saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man? http://tfl.nu/248d
  Replies (4) Good night (429) Bad night (338)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record

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  (608): Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record http://tfl.nu/xql5
  Replies (3) Good night (400) Bad night (200)

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