theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.