last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
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