I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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