Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
