3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
