it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
