Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
