just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
