Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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