Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
