That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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