how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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