I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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