remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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