After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
