my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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