I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
