I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
