Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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