U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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