Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
