We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
pray to the hookup gods
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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