You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
