Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
