I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Randomize
