We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
