her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
