I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
