I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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