Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
