I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
