i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
did you just send me my own nude
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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