S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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