yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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