Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
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