I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
