after a month anything with tits is on the radar
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
