Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
