It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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