Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
