I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
